“Illified”or Pick Your Poison?

While occasionally struggling with illness, with not so much as a by your leave from the universe, I have been contemplating other illness management systems.  With all the new tech tools, I’d like to see a new start up create an algorithm with a survey health regimen to assist us with managing our illnesses.

We would get a random email spewed out from some computer server somewhere around the world.  Basically, a True/False questionnaire prior to our developing an illness.  It would go something like:  

“Joceile, we see you have not been ill lately.  Due to random sampling, we believe it is your turn.  Please answer the following questions so we can better determine how best to serve you:

1.  Are you ready to take on the burden of being ill?  T or F.

2.  Do you feel up to managing a long term chronic illness?  T or F

If true, answer the following.  Do your preferences lie in the following categories:

1. Life threatening?  T or F
2. Cancer or any of its derivatives?  T or F
3. Immunological illness?  T or F
4. Neurological condition causing mobility impairment?  T or F
5. Metabolic illness such as diabetes or high blood pressure?  T or F
6. Injury requiring a trip in an ambulance?  T or F 
7. Loss of limb?  T or F
8. Heart attack?  T or F 

3.  Would you prefer a brief non-serious but terribly inconvenient illness such as a cold or flu?  T or F

If true, would you prefer:

1. Cold?  T or F
2. Flu?  T or F
3. Short bout of Bronchitis?  T or F
4. Fever and chills?  T or F 
5. Sore throat with annoying cough?  T or F 
6. Upset stomach?  T or F

4.  Do your preferences go more toward sprains and strains?  T or F 

If true, would you prefer:

1. Sprained ankle?  T or F
2. Tennis elbow?  T or F
3. Slipped disk?  T or F
4. Neck pain?  T or F
5. Global or specific joint pain? T or F
6. Other?  T or F  (Please describe in comment box below.)

5.  We do have an increasing need for mental health conditions.  Would you be up for handling a mental health issue?  T or F

If true, would your preference be:

1. Significant anxiety for less than 3 months?  T or F 
2. A psychotic break requiring hospitalization?  T or F
3. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?  T or F  (Note:  This option comes complete with traumatic event.)
4. Something in a Bi-Polar range?  T or F
5. Basic Schizophrenia mostly controlled by medication?  T or F

Thank you for providing us with this information.  Once it is compiled by our highly trained autonomous assessment specialists, we will let you know what illness you will be awarded and the approximate time frame.

Please read our Terms of Service and hit Agree:  Once a final decision is made, you may not opt out of our service.  We do not have an appeal process.  We do not factor in things like health insurance, paid sick leave, or financial or housing resources.  You will be entirely at our whim.  However, you may opt out at any time prior to determination and take your chances with Nature.  Note:  If you have a specific illness you would like to explore, please email us. We read all emails.”

With this new tech product, we could smooth out medical practices, service provision, and lack of hospital beds by simply timing illnesses. 

It is worrisome, however, that at some point hackers in the guise of Predatory Capitalism would intervene by allowing people to buy non-sick credits to get out from illness obligations.  In response, the government would have to put in mandatory illness servitude and develop a regulatory agency to identify and prosecute fraud.

This new agency could then get filled with bribe taking bureaucrats many of whom will ultimately quit the agency and work as consultants for the illness avoiding rich.  It could then happen that most rich people would never get ill again creating ever more inequitable lifestyles even leading to dramatic population decline. This could negatively impact the available workforce for needed service jobs.

This concept gives me great pause.  In thinking this over deeply and having my algorithmic biological brain spin out likely outcomes, I have decided that maybe it’s just easier to be illified when it’s my turn. 

L’Chaim. 

Joceile 

12.19.18

[Picture of woman with graying hair with thermometer in mouth and Kleenex at her nose.]