Surviving Bureaucratic Employment: Secrets of a Four Decade State Worker

• Identify who you need on your side.  Know on which side your bread is buttered.  
• Never offend the receptionist or clerical folks. They can make your life a living hell. 
• Always treat kindly those who provide you a service.  You may need that service again.
• Never refuse a request, order, or directive by your supervisor, manager, administrator, deputy assistant director, assistant director, or agency director. 
• Prioritize projects by the management team noted above before all others.  They do your evaluations and assignments.
• Be aware that anyone can become your supervisor one day when you least expect or want it. 
• Don't burn bridges. You may need them to beat a hasty retreat one day. 
• Never send an email containing something you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the paper. 
• Never do anything you don't want to explain on the witness stand. 
• Never leave a voicemail that you don’t want shared.
• Follow the chain of command or the chain will be wrapped around your neck. 
• Never steal anything especially funds. The audits will get you if a coworker doesn’t. 
• If you lie about something and there’s no evidence, don't come clean. It makes it worse.  Don’t make this a habit.
• Conversely, if there's evidence, admit your misremembering quickly. 
• Don't lie. It's too hard to remember what you lied about. 
• Be willing to apologize right away if you screw up.  It makes it look like you are taking responsibility. 
• Don't spread gossip.  Know that people talk and most can’t can keep a secret to save their lives. 
• Keep track of where people get their information, because they are conveying your information by the same route.
• If you want to share something but feel the need to say, “Don’t tell anyone.”  Stop.  Everyone uses that line.  No one can follow it.
• Treat crucial information on a need to know basis.  Never flaunt your knowledge.  It makes you look untrustworthy.
• If you don’t ever want something known, tell no one. I mean, no one!
• Don’t say you give 110%.  It doesn’t exist.  People can only give 100%.
• Proof your work. Mistakes happen. Don’t contribute to them.
• Don’t say you do an excellent job.  If your performance is excellent, it will speak for itself.
• Pay as much attention to what people don’t say as to what they do say.  There’s volumes of information in what’s unsaid.
• Everyone makes mistakes.  Admit it, own it, and move on.  Don’t belabor your mistakes.  They happen to everyone.
• Relationships matter.  All of them.  Customers, coworkers, and managers see what you do and how you do it—always.
• If you dislike someone, don’t let them know.  They’ll never forget it.
• If someone is talking too much, politely excuse yourself to use the restroom.  No one holds that against you.
• Schedule meetings for the least amount of time.  People naturally expand their talking to fit the allotted time.
• Never meet force with force. Take the force directed at you, grab it, and move it in the direction you want it to go.
• Don’t wait for someone else to take charge.  Step up and keep things moving.
• Volunteer wisely.  Take the first easy offer quickly.  It gives the impression you are a team player and will pitch in.  You’ll be able to rotate out first.
• Trouble communicating? Shut up and listen. There’s no better way to discover what’s needed.
• If you have memory problems, never answer a question without checking the file.  It makes you look thorough.
• If you can’t pronounce a word, find another one to do the job.  You don’t want folks thinking you aren’t smart whether you are or not.
• Treat feedback as a recipe for success.  Use it, follow it, and improve from it.
• Don’t make excuses for being late.  Don’t be late.
• When you are sick, call in and simply say you are too sick to come to work.  Your supervisor does not want nor need the details.
• If you find yourself making excuses, re-examine your behavior.  Is this how you want to come across?
• If someone says something mind bogglingly stupid, respond by asking them to explain their thinking.  Don’t tell them it’s mind bogglingly stupid.
• Your reputation is your most important currency.  Spend it wisely.
• Never use your reputation to get someone a job.  They may not hold up their end of the bargain.
• Know your limits and follow them. 
• Stay in your lane!
• Never take a job based on money. You’ll spend a lot of time doing the job. Money doesn't make up for that. 
• Be content with being lower on the totem pole. Those higher up aren’t having a good time either.
• Make your own joy. You’re only limited by your imagination.
• You will always have a boss. Getting to the top doesn't negate that. 
• If you have an issue with your boss, talk to them about it. Don't go over their head. If they weren't interested in hearing it from you, they sure as hell won't like hearing it from their boss. 
• Handling Micro-Managers: Drown them in information, copy them on everything including every email response, letter drafted, report written, accepted meeting, work hours, and arrival/departure times. Don’t make a move without including them until they beg for mercy.  People fail with micro-managers because they fight the sharing of information instead of using it to their advantage.
• There’s nothing wrong with tilting at windmills. But choose them wisely. Pushing bedrock wastes energy.
• Never give bad news or schedule a meeting to give bad news on a Friday. People will worry and get wrapped around the axle with no one to talk to until Monday. It will make things worse.
• When negotiating a solution to a problem, make your pitch on what’s in it for the other party. Self interest is a powerful motivator.
• Always under promise and over deliver. Accountability is what builds your reputation.
• If you are going to file a lawsuit or discrimination complaint against your employer, find another job first. No organization you file against will ever have your back or trust you no matter what they say. 
• If offered money to settle a dispute, bump it up 20% and take the money and run.  You can never go back. 
• Treat everyone how they want to be treated. There's no substitute for success. 
• Dress like you respect yourself. If you don't respect you, nobody else will.
• In the age of video work activities, do not swear, scream, or go to the bathroom without checking, double checking, and triple checking that your camera and mic are off. 
• Cultivate a poker face so others don't know what you are thinking unless you want them to.
• We all need to laugh. Be the comedian but never at the expense of others. Self-deprecating humor is a useful tool. It encourages people to smile when they see you coming—and remember you.
• As long as you designate yourself as the Self-Appointed Morale Officer, you can support people at any level by telling the truth with kindness.
• Remember, the only difference between you and those you serve is luck. You are not superior. 
• Break these rules only with great deliberation.  Don’t be a fool.  Don’t be hasty.  Don’t be predictable.  Don’t leave evidence.  Don’t think you can beat the system.

Author withholding name until retirement date

8.31.17

[Picture of anonymous author with grey hair in blue and white checkered shirt with folded bandana over lower half of face.]

Exceptionally Persistent

I’m a successful survivor of bureaucratic employment.  It hasn’t been easy.  There have been times when I struggled with health.  At one point, I was missing too much work.  I knew my supervisor, who I didn’t care for, was going to get on my case.  What to do?  Strike first, but respectfully.

I wrote her an email, “I wanted to tell you that I am not meeting my personal attendance expectations and missing more work than I would like.  I want to share with you what I am doing to improve my attendance.  I am working on my health with my doctor, trying a new medication, and having weekly therapy appointments.  I wanted to let you know I am aware of my need to improve in this regard.  Thank you.  Joceile”

I stole her thunder.  What was she supposed to say?  By acknowledging the issue first and telling her how I planned to address it, I used my power to address the concern.  She never said a word to me.  My method of taking responsibility and being proactive about my attendance concerns took the wind out of her sails.  Over time, I was able to improve my attendance.

I can’t tell you how many employees who know they are not performing up to expectations just wait for someone else to say something.  They sit at their desk every day hoping today is not the day their supervisor says something about their failing to perform.  Twice at work yesterday, folks came to me about trouble they were having either personally or in their performance.  One said, “I just need to take care of myself.”  

I confirmed, “Absolutely.  If you don’t, nobody else will.  You are in charge.”  If you don’t take care of yourself, who the hell is going to do it for you?  No one.  No one at all.

In another case, the employee said to me, “I got this feedback from my supervisor.”  It was negative feedback.  “I don’t know what to do.  I am so unhappy in my job.  I don’t want to stay here until I retire and die six months later.”

Well, what are YOU going to do about it?  I talked to her about meeting expectations.  I told her expectations are just feedback.  A message of what you need to do differently just like something you would tell a loved one.  “I didn’t like it when you did X.  Please do X differently in the future.”  Ask your supervisor, how am I doing?  Why just dread and wait for them to come to you?

In your relationship, ask your partner, “How do you think we are doing?”  Be prepared to answer the question when they ask you the same.  Reflection has power.  Reflection with someone you have a relationship with is power times two.

She acknowledged she could do those things her supervisor identified differently going forward.  As for her unhappiness, I added, “No one else is going to figure out your Plan B.  No one is going to fix it for you.”  Unfortunately, I have had this conversation once a year for the past five years with this employee.  Sadly, she has been waiting for an opportune time to make something different happen.  I told her, “Thinking there will be a good time to start acting on making a change is a myth.  It’s not going to happen.  If you wait for this crisis to pass, then there will be the next crisis, and the next.  There is no good time to start working on what you want.  It’s like having a bucket list for when you retire.  You may never get there.  Don’t wait.”

She felt better after our talk.  She felt hopeful for a few minutes.  I know from past experience her hopefulness will get crushed once again by daily living.  But, the task is hers.  No one can make her life better than her.  I know that having major Depression gets in the way along with various health conditions that can take it out of you.  But, mostly, it doesn’t get better without my taking action for myself.  

She asked me, “Do you feel hopeless and run down?  I know a lot of other people do.”  She was speaking of state employment.

“No, I don’t.  I’ve been working for the state for 39 years.  I discovered 37 years ago that I needed to work part time.  That has worked for me.  But, I don’t know your path.”  I also know but didn’t say that if you seek out other like minded dissatisfied coworkers you will find them.  Conversely, if I am the light in the employment party, hopeful people will gravitate to me.

There are so many gray areas in life.  But, take stock, are you doing what you need to do to make a change?

Recently, one of my very successful coworkers by most measures said, “That’s the first lie they tell us.  That you will get ahead if you just work hard.”  He’s right, of course.  It is a lie.  But, it doesn’t mean that you can’t take a cold look at your options and figure out your next step.  

He grew up in the inner city.  He figured he had two options:  the military or prison.  He chose the military and survived.  He managed to survive multiple deployments.  He’s here now as living proof of hope.

Another friend grew up poor.  She figured she had three choices:  marriage, the military, or college.  She chose college and made it work.  And, she has to keep working at her dreams every day, year after year.

I have been working with a naturopath for over a year that specializes in psychiatric homeopathy treatment.  It’s definitely made a difference in my nightmares.  But, my mobility issues wax and wane.  I keep working with him because I have faith.  Last week, he told me twice that I was a “Trooper.”  At the time, all I could think of was that I am a really just an idiot.  I just keep banging my head against walls trying to get somewhere better.

My partner, of course, adamantly told me that I am NOT an idiot.  I knew that and thought it worthy of consideration.  So, I thought about it.  No, I’m not an idiot.  But, I decided I am persistent.  Actually, I decided I am Exceptionally Persistent.  

For those of you who watched Star Trek:  The Next Generation, the bad guys said over and over, “Persistance is futile.”  But, they were wrong.  The humans found a chink in the bad guys armor because they were persistent.  

My favorite movie of all time is the The Shawshank Redemption.  I understand about being imprisoned with an evil sadist (my childhood home) and institutionalized (the state hospital at 14).  What the movie resonates with me is hope.  I figure if I am still breathing there is hope.  I refuse to let go of hope.  Hence, being a Trooper.  But, I have to keep a cool eye on likely possibilities.  Hope has to be properly directed.

I’m not saying it’s easy.  I’m not suggesting it works out every time.  But, what are our options?  I’m not interested in just giving up.  I know it’s an option but not one I can live with.  I could have spent my life institutionalized.  But, I chose not to and was able to make it stick.  It was part luck and part determination.

I know fundamentally there are grave injustices in the world and terrible evil.  Many times people, women, children, and men, are assaulted, maimed, and killed as a result of evil.  This makes persistence feel futile.  A lot of people don’t make it and are just mowed down.

However, I feel deep inside that if I am still alive there is still a chance of escape, of healing, of joining with like minded survivors.

I told Ronnie that the Mets were losing as usual.  She said being a Met fan can feel futile.  I thought about it and responded, “The Mets are like me.  Exceptionally persistent.”  Life is not a baseball game.  But, baseball is like life.  Keep hanging in there.  Keep pitching.  Keeping swinging the bat.  You may be a Trooper or an Idiot but it is the only way to get somewhere different than where you are right now.  If you are where you want to be, enjoy it.  Revel in it, because everything is temporary.  Life is in embracing the inevitable change.  Be Exceptionally Persistent.  What other choice do you have?

L’Chaim.

Joceile

8.24.17

[Picture of me at a Mets game with my arms high and spread wide with hope for good things like a Mets win.]