My coworker, Betty Carter, told me that it is National Disability Employment Awareness Month and asked me if I wanted to participate. I thought it might be a good time to come out. No, not as a Lesbian or for those who don’t know me well, a woman, but as a person who struggles with mental health issues and has for many, many years. There is so much stigma attached to having mental health issues that I think, even now, “Am I risking my career? Am I risking the confidence people have placed in me by admitting that I am a person who struggles with mental health issues.” And for all that, if I, as the ADA Specialist for the state of Washington, with a long successful career, have concerns about putting this in writing, what is it like for others?
Of course, I know very well what it is like for others. They wonder what people are thinking about them. Coworkers think: Can I trust him? Is she gonna loose it at work? What does it mean when someone is hospitalized for a psychiatric issue? When can I trust that they are all there?
I have been struggling with mental health since I was 12. I have been hospitalized more times than I can count for wanting to harm myself or commit suicide. I have worked and worked to be as much as I can be in the world, interacting with others, and making a difference. I am proud of what I have accomplished. I want to support others to do the same.
I came from a family that was very violent and abusive in every imaginable way. I am certainly not alone.
My daughter is 28. I pledged to myself that I would not pass on the evil that was passed to me by my parents for whom it was passed to them by their parents for whom it was passed to them, etc. etc. I go to counseling every week and have since I was 12. At 14, I was in Child Study and Treatment Center in Western State Hospital for five months. I was able to leave the hospital and live with my grandparents, for whom I was named: Joe and Lucille. They loved me profoundly and saved my life.
I grew up thinking I would never see my 21st birthday. I am thankful every year on my birthday for another success. I have been honored with a long list of people that have loved and cared for me as far back as my junior high school counselor who had never had to deal with a student that was troubled the way I was in 1972.
At 22, a friend who worked in Affirmative Action told me that I was a person of disability. I was very surprised and had never considered myself that way. All it really meant was that I was aware that I had to do some things differently than some other people. So, I work part-time. I work to make real contact with the people I work with and meet. I do not shirk away from challenges. And, boy, life has just kept challenges coming.
I have been in a relationship for the last 25 years. I am very happy with my life; although, I don’t always get what I want. That is what this thing called life is about. I love my partner, my daughter, and my dog. I look at the water, the mountain, and the trees, and realize that I have a very good life, and I’m grateful.
So, if you have questions about me, or questions about how to care for yourself, give me a call or send me an e-mail, because I have a lot of patience for all of us who at one time or another find ourselves on the hard side of life.
Joceile 10.06.14
