Saturday, December 16, 2023

The Pool Bunch

I joined the YMCA today. It’s a first. It’s free because of my retiree medical coverage. My body has been telling me I need movement but not just any kind of movement. With arthritic joints screaming at me daily and nightly, my body was clear that movement in water was the only way to go.

I had very carefully deciphered the Y’s webpage for senior activities. It’s somewhat inscrutable.  However, there is a drop in class three afternoons a week called “Joints in Motion.”


Those who know me might be surprised to learn I am totally intimidated by gyms. Exclusive clubs make me paranoid. Historically, I’ve also been uncomfortable in pools having been too cold in them. The cold bothers me less in my older years. 


I gathered myself up. Ronnie accompanied me to the front desk as she was already a member. The receptionist signed me up while I watched the seniors enter for their pool gig. I, too, came equipped with shorts and T-shirt ready to rumble.


I am not one who hates being a senior. I don’t get that “I can’t possibly be one of them” feeling. I’m not thrilled with what my body is doing but I don’t mind being older. Seeing the smiling, slow moving seniors greet each other in various states of mobility felt like seeing old friends. These are my people. Everyone was friendly and apparently glad to see each other.


I found our slow, cautious, careful movements both endearing and hysterical. We’re a creeping, slightly bobbing and weaving, grinding parade. It is clear we will get there with or without our walkers. It is less obvious how long it will take us. We have been moving determinedly through life for a lot of years. A few set backs on the way to the pool will not deter us. I take comfort in that. We look decrepit but we are a force of nature. Just try dissuading your grandmother from a path she’s determined to follow and you know what I’m saying. 


The usual warmer pool was having a chlorine event so we were in the cooler, deeper pool. This delayed the launch at the entry steps as aging bodies prepared for cooler water. I was stunned when a woman who looked vaguely familiar asked if I was Joceile. I wondered if there was a warning sign about me somewhere. Many people look vaguely familiar to me now. I have more trouble differentiating faces. But no, it was a retiree from a state agency I worked at. Naturally, there’s no escaping the locals. 


We all got our noodles to accompany us in our exercises. I exchanged names with a few women. Lots of my standard introduction, “It’s Joceile…It’s Joe-Seal as in Joe and Lucille put together.”


“What nationality is that?” I thought the Joe and Lucille might have been a hint.


“It sounds French but it’s my grandparents, Joe and Lucille put together.” 


Sounds in gyms are terrible with or without my hearing aids. “Did you say your name was Carly or Carla?”


“Carla.”


“Car-LA?”


“Yes, Car-la.” Note to self, remember Carla with “LA” as in California, a nemonic trick.  


Women strangers with similar hairstyles look the same to me as do balding men with grey beards. It doesn’t help that I’m not wearing my glasses in the pool. I have to get to know people so I can recognize them from more data points. There was one other person I knew, a lesbian from my specific Olympia demographic. We are everywhere. It was nice to see her.


During our class, a woman walking around outside the pool slipped and fell. She stayed down. All eyes swiveled to her laying there with the unfailing interest of cars passing a traffic accident. A life guard picked his way slowly over to help her up. None of us made a move to assist. After all, any one of us would have arrived ten minutes after she was up, recovered, and in the locker room. I was more interested in my classmates attention than watching the play by play. She appeared unharmed. I saw more than one person slip and catch themselves. “Walk very carefully,” I told myself. My mantra is, “No falling!”


Once spread out and settled, we proceeded to get instructions from our fearless leader, Teresa, which we promptly talked through, modified, or ignored altogether. It’s wonderful to be able to pay attention or not as the mood and competing interests strike. There are no penalties for not following directions or proper comportment. We were exempt from expectations. Just making it safely to the pool was a huge success. The fun lasted 45 minutes. A friend of mine remarked we sounded like a bunch of kindergarteners. That’s exactly what we are and like the younger set we are having a grand time unless one of us falls down and goes boom. 


By the end, I was a bit cold. We all slowly climbed the stairs to make our creaky tortured way to the locker room. I basked in the hot shower 20 seconds at a time. It has an auto shut off feature. I got quickly attuned to reaching to turn it back on just before the 20 second mark enabling me to enjoy a semi-steady stream for several minutes.


We move slow. We dress slow. We leave slow. All of it was punctuated by smiles of encouragement to the tune of short narrations of our last injuries or surgeries. We are a lucky bunch. We’re still kicking, metaphorically speaking. Unless we’re in a pool, then we’re wholly inattentive, wriggling five year olds. I can’t wait to come back Wednesday!


Yours in Aging. 


~ Joceile


12/12/23



[Random picture of older women in pool with noodles.]


Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Be Still


Be still

Of the raging heart

And flitting mind. 


Nothing else

Need come between 

Me and the quiet dark. 


Take ease and comfort 

Rest my mind

Listen to my soul 

My heart beats there. 


I am safe 

I am strong 

A quiet mind is always 

A good thing. 


Be still 

And let the heavy

Blanket of sleep 

Overcome me. 


Daybreak will be here

Soon enough 

For my busy mind 

To rise again. 


Have no doubt 

I am still alive

Happily,

I remain so. 


Be still now 

No need to fan the flames 

Be still, my love 

Be still. 


~ Joceile


12.12.23

Wednesday, October 11, 2023

The Path to the Water’s Edge




















During the late dark night, my mind asks,

“Do you want sleep?”

A quiet pause,

“What do you really want?”


I want love. 

I want it to be so pervasive that no one escapes it.

I want it to bounce from canyons and mountain tops

Through cities and towns large and small.

I want it to invade the cracks in the sidewalk 

And seep under tarps of those living outside. 


I want it to fill the hearts of men,

Their grace in it spill onto women and children. 

I want love to favor no religion and select no god.

I want love to be the first feeling at day break 

And the last thought at night. 

I want love to imbue every act.


Until then, I am awake 

Sending love to the frightened, hungry, and fearful. 

Only when human hearts are rich with love

Will I sleep. 


Until then, my heart aches.

And my thoughts disturbed.

For without love,

We are savages of the worst kind.

I cannot sleep with this on my soul.

Love has guided me through madness. 

I cannot surrender now.


My mind says,

“Allow rest for there is much to do.”

I succumb tonight,

For my heart is strong

But my mind is wise.


L’Chaim. 


~ Joceile

11.11.23


[Photo courtesy Ronnie Hacken]

Thursday, August 17, 2023

The Legend of the Dog Fart

Back when wolves first realized human food scraps were of interest some thirty thousand years ago (or another ungodly long ago number), an evolution began of humans and ultimately dogs sharing food. Humans were divided into those who hunt the food with dogs along side and those who prepared the food with dogs along side. Anything related to food was of great interest to dogs. This has not changed over millennia. It is the great reward system for all living beings. No food, no companionship.

Dogs became partners in hunting, eating, and protecting. Dogs sat quietly near the hunter awaiting prey. Dogs sat next to those preparing food hoping for a dropped morsel. Dogs were ever vigilant awaiting leftovers while humans ate. Dogs sat next to babies protecting them knowing they would one day grow up and feed them. Dogs growled and barked out warnings to intruders just in case they might steal food.


As a partner in this food gathering, protecting, and consumption, dogs have made a nearly silent reassuring announcement of their presence. One can sit with a dog any time day or night smelling the air. The dog will smell thousands of pieces of information. The human with their puny nose can reliably smell only one thing wafting to them from the dog. This smell is reassuring, an announcement of the eating partnership. It is a testament to their living, breathing selves. Human partners the world over can take sustenance in this reassuring drift of scent. I am speaking, of course, of the dog fart which has been a staple of human dog relationships since the dawn of time.


My dog is old now. Her physical efforts are limited. However sitting quietly reading at night with her by my chair, I get reassurance and comfort by the wafting of her dog fart. Only one thing smells like it to my nose. It is a statement of her continued breathing and steady presence. I dread the day when Sheba’s fart touches my nose no more. All humans should celebrate the great and wonderful dog fart. Without it, we would be lost.


Reporting from Life’s front.


Joceile


8.17.23



[Sheba, 2017]


Wednesday, August 9, 2023

The Scarlett Temperature Index



85+ degrees: “Don’t talk to me! I’m never coming out from under this bed again.”

80-85: “Fine, I can sleep next to the bed or in the corner.”

75-80: “Your lap rates a nightly inspection but that’s it.”

70-75: “You know, the bed is not half bad to sleep on all day. “

65-70: “Your lap is cozy. Has it always been here?”

60-65: “Laying on you warm people at night just works.”

55-60: “Where the hell have you been? I’m freezing my ass off here.”

50-55: “I love you, Joceile. I could sleep on you all day. Ahhhh.”

50 and below: “Your lap is only thing between us and oblivion. No, you don’t have to pee. Hold it!”


*Based on Global Warming Trends and available Scarlett data for the period 2008-2023

 

[Picture of light colored long haired cat laying on intricate multicolored quilt.]


Wednesday, July 26, 2023

Don’t Even Think About It!

When going to sleep, it’s always a race to see who will win, exhaustion or body pain. Sleep is the finish line. Body pain is the great disrupter.  Unfortunately body pain is tonight’s winner. I give it about 30 minutes of relaxing and meditating before I call it and get up. When body pain wins, it could be a long time before sleep crosses the finish line.

I use methodology of all sorts to give sleep an edge. Sleep tools like timing, a magnesium supplement, preparation, positioning, proper pillow placement, and pain management. That’s a lot of P’s. Despite this, the odds of pain winning are seven to three. I’m not a gambler but I don’t think these are good odds. And there’s a wild card here.  My mind.


“Don’t think!”


“Do not examine historical facts about my greatest life mistakes, what I did wrong today, or how I missed the mark last year.”


When going to the bathroom at four in the morning, I instruct, “Don’t think! Keep focusing on the pleasant dream you just had.” Using my best hypnotist voice, I say, “Remember the dream…remember the dream,” in hopes of protecting my dear friend Sleep.


When gently entering sleep heaven, “Imagine floating in water, gently up and down, up and down. No! Stop thinking about boat repairs! Just up and down, up and down…”


Or, “Breathe deeply, expanding your belly. Feel your body filling with oxygen. Send it to all parts. Exhale slowly, slowly. Repeat, inhale, expand, exhale slowly.” I talk to myself in second person, “Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, gently, quietly. No, don’t think about what that skin growth is! You’ll see the doctor next month. Keep breathing in, out, in, out…”


Or, “I don’t know why my back hurts laying here. Don’t ask. We don’t know. That’s for the doctor visit in two months. Yes, I know it’s uncomfortable. Keep thinking about the beauty of tall, full trees with their deep roots stretching into the earth and branches reaching for the sky... Be a tree, feel your body grounding and your mind stretching up for dreamy sleep...”


On and on it goes. Yes, I meditate. Yes, I keep moving. Yes, I’ve seen a chiropractor, massage therapist, physical therapist, acupuncturist, had steroid injections, met with the orthopedist, neurologist, naturopath, had group therapy with mindfulness exercises, kept a pain log, listened to relaxing nature sounds… There’s always more I can do. The deal with some pain is that I have to learn to live with it well. Sadly, I don’t have an owner’s manual to explain what I need.


“Did you check the positive crankcase ventilation filter at 25,000 miles?” Head smack, “That’s it!”


No, it doesn’t work that way. Doctor Google is also a failure. “No, I don’t have a herniated, slipped disc requiring reconstructive surgery on the left metatarsal at levels six and seven. Nor do I have Lyme disease or an obscure genetic reaction to a medication my grandmother took 80 years ago. No, no, no. It’s just Life.” As Klinger said in M*A*S*H, “This is not going to be a piece of baklava.” Living is hard work, confusing work, mysterious and confounding work. My challenges are reminiscent but not the same as any other living being. There are too many complicating factors from a zillion different experiences and interactions. Even if I somehow managed to physically look like another person (and god help them if they still have a mullet), my unique constellation of life experiences and physical and mental reactions to these experiences would ensure we were nothing alike. How can anyone adequately prepare for this kind of unchecked chaos?  It’s an outrageous design.


After a fretful sleep last night and a very busy day, I did manage to gently fall asleep shortly after 9:30 this evening but I woke up at 11 and thought I should start the dishwasher, pill the dog, brush my teeth, and put on sleep clothes (don’t even ask). This was my undoing. By the time I got settled back into a sleeping position, the momentum was lost. Now I’m writing this whole pathetic constellation of a life well lived and the distress therein. After that, there’s always my favorite comedy movies and actors. Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther, Monty Python’s Life of Brian, Whoopi Goldberg in Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Zero Mostel in The Producers or A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, or something more contemporary. It turns out humor is a great balm for pain from any source. Thank you Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce.


Reporting from Life’s front.


Joceile


7.10.23



[Picture: Thunder clouds at sunset on the lake.]