When I was a kid, I always wanted to learn how to play chess. But, I didn't have anyone to play with so I could learn. I got a chess set and learned how to move the pieces. I played with my brother who is three years younger than I. I taught him how to move the pieces, and we played.
Because I was older than him, I could be more strategic in my moves. It was difficult to be strategic with a focus on winning and teach him to win at the same time. I was maybe eight, and he was five. The problem was that when I took his queen he started crying.
My mom would come in the room and say, "What's wrong?"
Zack would speak through his tears, "She took my queen!"
My mom's response to me was, "Give him back his queen."
Then, I would cry, "Mom!" So, the strategic part was lost in the game for me.
One day, we were visiting some bunch of relatives somewhere. There was a cousin I had never met before. He was around 13. I learned he knew how to play chess and asked him if he would teach me. He said sure, and we started playing.
He was supposed to suggest moves to me so I would learn. I trusted him and dutifully followed each move as he directed. Further into the game, he said, "Check mate," with an evil grin on his face. He was very pleased with himself that he had led me down the garden path while I blindly followed him so he could nail me. I was terribly embarrassed and humiliated that he had tricked me when I trusted him. After that when I saw him, I steered clear. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Another time, I got a brand new life jacket. I was eight. It was a bigger kid one without the cushion behind my head. I was proud. I felt strong. I was showing my neighbor, Johnny, who was a grown man. I said, "Hit me as hard as you can. I bet I won't even feel it."
He reared back and belted me in the in the chest in my life jacket. He hit me so hard I lost my breath. This was not what I'd envisioned at all. I looked at him while I couldn't breath. Okay, so I could feel it. But, why hit me so hard? Why? Why? Why?
Later as an adult, I got really good at playing Othello. It was the kind of strategy I was good at. I could see the whole board. I could see many steps ahead. It was one of the few games that no one could beat me. The strategy of the game just suited the way my mind worked.
One weekend, we were at a party at my coworker, Clarice's house. She had a lot of family over, and we had brought the game with us. I'm not sure how it happened. But, I ended up playing her fourteen year old niece in front of everyone. They wanted to know if she could beat me.
We played. I knew my ability to envision the game and the results of all the moves would enable me to win. But towards the end, I found a move that would cause me to lose that wasn't too obvious. The girl was thrilled and everyone was impressed with her win.
Walking away, my partner, Ronnie, said, "I followed every move but one. I couldn't figure out why you made that one move." I smiled. She looked at me and whispered, "You threw the game didn't you?"
I responded, "I'll talk to you about it later." I didn't want to take any chance that someone would figure out I threw the game and certainly not the girl.
Later, Ronnie and I talked about it. "I knew I could win. But, I thought she might enjoy winning." I thought about the boy and the chess match. "Maybe it made her day. I certainly didn't need to prove that I could win. I know it's not easy being a teenager."
From time to time, I think about that game and smile. It is the mark of self confidence when you know you can win but strategically know it is not necessary to prove it against someone else. Maybe, the other person could use a win. Certainly, I didn't have to take advantage of someone just to stroke my ego.
I don't understand when someone who is so strong finds the need to build themselves up at the expense of someone weaker. Is that really winning or just being an ass? I see a lot of that in the world. I just don't get it. Beating someone weaker doesn't prove a damn thing except that you're a jerk.
9/4/16
