On My Retirement

Recently, I met on a pier with a long ago friend.  We hadn’t seen each other in 30 years.  Diane said she retired after 20 something years with the city two and a half years ago at 62 1/2.  She said she probably should have stayed another couple years until 65 to get a better retirement rate.  I gave a "What're ya gonna do" shrug.

She asked when I planned to retire.  I looked over at the water stalling for time, contemplating my answer.  I get asked this often.  I said I didn’t.  She asked how long I’d worked for the state.  I said sheepishly, “Forty-three years.”

“How old are you?  When did you start?”

I was 20 when I started.  I'm 63 now.  She said, “You’d be eligible for 100%.”

“Maybe.”

“You would.”

“Whatever.  I don't care.”

“You haven't found out?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter?”

“No, look, I still enjoy my job.  I like what I’m doing and the people I work with.  I work four hours a day.  I’ll keep working as long as I want.”

“Well, that’s good,” she said belying this by slightly shaking her head.

I’ve been thinking about this exchange today imagining other conversations when people said, “I figured out what I’d get if I retired.  I’m only working for 25% of my wage, so I figure I should just retire."  I wouldn't get 100% if I retired now.  But, I try to imagine deciding to retire simply because I would get 100% and someone saying, "You could get your paycheck without working.  Why would you work for free?"  Because, there is a qualitative difference between working and retiring.  Why should I retire before I'm ready?

If I'm lucky enough to work part-time, enjoy my work, and am paid a good wage, why should I give that up?  In any case, I'm 63.  I've got another two years before I get another series of looks like, "Why are you still here?  If I was 65, I'd be out like a shot."  That's the difference between you and me, bub.  Still, I don't forget that other people work 40 hours a week.  Doing that at 65, a body gets tired.

When I was younger, I had coworkers seriously tell me, “I only have 17 years until I can retire.”  I thought, “Do you realize you are wishing your life away?  Do you know how crazy that is?”  I was younger then, easily intimidated, and didn’t speak up. Now, I know there are lots of people who never make it to retirement or those who die after the first year or two.  One coworker died of a heart attack two weeks before his last day!  If there’s no quality to my life now, how is it going to be miraculously better in 17 years?  

Remarkably, I’ve long since passed retirement eligibility and continue to thrive.  However, I’ve learned to consider the situation before I tell people the whole truth about how long I've worked for the state.  For most people, over 30 years is sufficient.  My seniority has always been a point of pride for me.  My high numbers now require more consideration.

Two years ago, I attended a case law update on employment accommodation in Seattle.  During a break, another participant asked me a question about a comment I'd made.  We hit it off and were starting to talk about ways we could collaborate on projects.  She asked me about my government work history followed by how long I'd worked for the state.  Without thinking, I said 41 years.

The woman froze.  Apparently, it made me so much older than she expected she couldn't even comprehend it.  I don't know if it was my lack of gender clarity or if I just looked much younger to her in general.  Regardless, our connection was broken.  It was as though I'd violated a trust.  She quickly disengaged and never made eye contact with me again.  It was as if either she'd grossly misjudged my age which made her uncomfortable or I must be a crazy person because my reporting of years was not only inconceivable but also unbelievable.  It was a cautionary tale for me in the power of age assumptions.  Depending on the audience, I just stay with over 30 years experience.  This works for most situations.

My long time coworker who has become my boss at various levels has told me many times there's no need to retire.  His reframe is, "Clint Eastwood is still directing in his 90's."  I'm not sure this is the best role model but I take his meaning.

A few coworkers and I were once talking about a long time manager who was no longer innovative and basically phoning it in. I said, “She’s passed her pull date.”  Everyone thought that very funny, though it’s stuck with me. I don’t want to be passed my pull date. Fortunately, I have the luxury of making a different choice. 

Even today, I told a coworker the answer with my strongest conviction.  "As long as I am enjoying my work and adding value to my employer, I'll keep working.  I don't want to be here when people are asking…" I looked at my watch for affect. "'When is she gonna retire?' If that's the case, I've stayed too long."

My coworker nodded agreement.  I sighed as I successfully traversed this minefield question again.

Joceile 

6.17.21 

[Picture of me speaking at work in pink shirt with black tie. 2019]