I’m a successful survivor of bureaucratic employment. It hasn’t been easy. There have been times when I struggled with health. At one point, I was missing too much work. I knew my supervisor, who I didn’t care for, was going to get on my case. What to do? Strike first, but respectfully.
I wrote her an email, “I wanted to tell you that I am not meeting my personal attendance expectations and missing more work than I would like. I want to share with you what I am doing to improve my attendance. I am working on my health with my doctor, trying a new medication, and having weekly therapy appointments. I wanted to let you know I am aware of my need to improve in this regard. Thank you. Joceile”
I stole her thunder. What was she supposed to say? By acknowledging the issue first and telling her how I planned to address it, I used my power to address the concern. She never said a word to me. My method of taking responsibility and being proactive about my attendance concerns took the wind out of her sails. Over time, I was able to improve my attendance.
I can’t tell you how many employees who know they are not performing up to expectations just wait for someone else to say something. They sit at their desk every day hoping today is not the day their supervisor says something about their failing to perform. Twice at work yesterday, folks came to me about trouble they were having either personally or in their performance. One said, “I just need to take care of myself.”
I confirmed, “Absolutely. If you don’t, nobody else will. You are in charge.” If you don’t take care of yourself, who the hell is going to do it for you? No one. No one at all.
In another case, the employee said to me, “I got this feedback from my supervisor.” It was negative feedback. “I don’t know what to do. I am so unhappy in my job. I don’t want to stay here until I retire and die six months later.”
Well, what are YOU going to do about it? I talked to her about meeting expectations. I told her expectations are just feedback. A message of what you need to do differently just like something you would tell a loved one. “I didn’t like it when you did X. Please do X differently in the future.” Ask your supervisor, how am I doing? Why just dread and wait for them to come to you?
In your relationship, ask your partner, “How do you think we are doing?” Be prepared to answer the question when they ask you the same. Reflection has power. Reflection with someone you have a relationship with is power times two.
She acknowledged she could do those things her supervisor identified differently going forward. As for her unhappiness, I added, “No one else is going to figure out your Plan B. No one is going to fix it for you.” Unfortunately, I have had this conversation once a year for the past five years with this employee. Sadly, she has been waiting for an opportune time to make something different happen. I told her, “Thinking there will be a good time to start acting on making a change is a myth. It’s not going to happen. If you wait for this crisis to pass, then there will be the next crisis, and the next. There is no good time to start working on what you want. It’s like having a bucket list for when you retire. You may never get there. Don’t wait.”
She felt better after our talk. She felt hopeful for a few minutes. I know from past experience her hopefulness will get crushed once again by daily living. But, the task is hers. No one can make her life better than her. I know that having major Depression gets in the way along with various health conditions that can take it out of you. But, mostly, it doesn’t get better without my taking action for myself.
She asked me, “Do you feel hopeless and run down? I know a lot of other people do.” She was speaking of state employment.
“No, I don’t. I’ve been working for the state for 39 years. I discovered 37 years ago that I needed to work part time. That has worked for me. But, I don’t know your path.” I also know but didn’t say that if you seek out other like minded dissatisfied coworkers you will find them. Conversely, if I am the light in the employment party, hopeful people will gravitate to me.
There are so many gray areas in life. But, take stock, are you doing what you need to do to make a change?
Recently, one of my very successful coworkers by most measures said, “That’s the first lie they tell us. That you will get ahead if you just work hard.” He’s right, of course. It is a lie. But, it doesn’t mean that you can’t take a cold look at your options and figure out your next step.
He grew up in the inner city. He figured he had two options: the military or prison. He chose the military and survived. He managed to survive multiple deployments. He’s here now as living proof of hope.
Another friend grew up poor. She figured she had three choices: marriage, the military, or college. She chose college and made it work. And, she has to keep working at her dreams every day, year after year.
I have been working with a naturopath for over a year that specializes in psychiatric homeopathy treatment. It’s definitely made a difference in my nightmares. But, my mobility issues wax and wane. I keep working with him because I have faith. Last week, he told me twice that I was a “Trooper.” At the time, all I could think of was that I am a really just an idiot. I just keep banging my head against walls trying to get somewhere better.
My partner, of course, adamantly told me that I am NOT an idiot. I knew that and thought it worthy of consideration. So, I thought about it. No, I’m not an idiot. But, I decided I am persistent. Actually, I decided I am Exceptionally Persistent.
For those of you who watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, the bad guys said over and over, “Persistance is futile.” But, they were wrong. The humans found a chink in the bad guys armor because they were persistent.
My favorite movie of all time is the The Shawshank Redemption. I understand about being imprisoned with an evil sadist (my childhood home) and institutionalized (the state hospital at 14). What the movie resonates with me is hope. I figure if I am still breathing there is hope. I refuse to let go of hope. Hence, being a Trooper. But, I have to keep a cool eye on likely possibilities. Hope has to be properly directed.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not suggesting it works out every time. But, what are our options? I’m not interested in just giving up. I know it’s an option but not one I can live with. I could have spent my life institutionalized. But, I chose not to and was able to make it stick. It was part luck and part determination.
I know fundamentally there are grave injustices in the world and terrible evil. Many times people, women, children, and men, are assaulted, maimed, and killed as a result of evil. This makes persistence feel futile. A lot of people don’t make it and are just mowed down.
However, I feel deep inside that if I am still alive there is still a chance of escape, of healing, of joining with like minded survivors.
I told Ronnie that the Mets were losing as usual. She said being a Met fan can feel futile. I thought about it and responded, “The Mets are like me. Exceptionally persistent.” Life is not a baseball game. But, baseball is like life. Keep hanging in there. Keep pitching. Keeping swinging the bat. You may be a Trooper or an Idiot but it is the only way to get somewhere different than where you are right now. If you are where you want to be, enjoy it. Revel in it, because everything is temporary. Life is in embracing the inevitable change. Be Exceptionally Persistent. What other choice do you have?
L’Chaim.
Joceile
8.24.17
[Picture of me at a Mets game with my arms high and spread wide with hope for good things like a Mets win.]
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