I worked to eliminate the word “but” from my communication long ago. It’s been so long I can’t fully articulate why. I know it’s poor communication. Consider, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but…” When I hear that I know the message is insincere. The person isn’t taking responsibility for their action; doesn’t truly know its impact; and is likely to repeat it.
The use of “but” is also marker when observing others at work. By noticing who uses it, I can gauge their effectiveness. It can be a simple and revealing tool. Recently, I came across this explanation:
A very smart woman I worked with once told me that if eliminated the word “but” from my professional vocabulary, l'd find greater acceptance for my ideas, and greater cooperation from my team members. She said people would have a very different perception of me if I could change this one thing.
The reason, she said, is because the word “but" negates everything that precedes it, and you cast a negative spin on anything you say when you use it. Consider, for example, "We can do it this way, but it'll be way too expensive given our budget," versus "We can do it this way, and if we do, we'll need to cut back on other important features." The first indicates that we can't even consider the option. The second acknowledges possibility and describes consequences.
"But" is exclusive and isolating, “and" is inclusive and welcoming. She was absolutely right, and it's advice I have used with great success for the past 30 years of my life.
[Author unknown]
Joceile
6.18.22
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