Senior Olympics

The Olympics showed up at my house. I pay only partial attention but Women’s Figure Skating has taken hold. What I’ve noticed has given me heart. 

At my house when we rise from a chair, we frequently Stick the Landing! 10 points. 

Challenged to a two footed jump, I succeeded with both feet leaving the floor and returning in unison. Again Sticking the Landing. Another 10 points!

I was happy to hear that jumps made after the half way point get an automatic 10 points. I’m over 60 at more than half way. Another 10 points!

My hands did not unintentionally touch the floor. No deductions. 1 point!

The dog veered in front of me as I crossed the floor. I stayed upright. 8 points with a .5 deduction for lack of artistic style. 

Toilet sitting without grabbing anything. 5 points. 

Rising from the toilet unaided. 6 points with a 2 point deduction for uncontrolled toilet paper. 

Only peeing once during the night. 5 points. 

Almost getting 8 hours sleep. 10 points. 

Missing cat barf with bare feet in the dark. 15 points!

Ability to fart silently. 2 points.

Farts that rattle the windows. 12 points! 

Full hot tea cup carrying over slippery floor surface to a table in another room without spilling or burning body parts. 18 points!

Heimlick maneuver on choking spouse. 50 points!!!

I must ask. Why are there no Olympics for Skills of Daily Living? We could all use cheering. 

~Reporting from Olympia for the Global Senior News Service. 

Joceile Moore

2.17.22

[Picture: Me with graying hair wearing black tie with gray hoodie possibly sitting on the toilet but only a headshot is pictured.]