What is “going crazy?” An insider’s view

We all hear and maybe joke about someone “going crazy.”  Maybe we’re talking about ourselves or someone else. But what does “going crazy” mean?

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life in the “crazy” camp. This means severe depression and having ideas about hurting myself that were dangerous and scary. Fundamentally, it meant I was hurting and didn’t know how to process the pain in a healthy and safe way. 

Sometimes, there’s a chemical imbalance getting in the way of maintaining a healthy or balanced response to managing life’s curve balls. This wasn’t my issue. I know for many it is. 

Learning to process extreme mental anguish or trauma in my learning to experience life in all its forms has been a long road. It’s been a multiple step, decades long endeavor with quality therapists. The work is often a persistent weekly slog with no clear promise of reward. However, the work accumulates incrementally into a life perspective I can claim and gratefully appreciate. 

We all struggle. We all have moments wondering, “Will this ever end?  Will it get better?  Is it worth it?”  It’s always worth it. If I’m my best self, I get to contribute to the greater good and recognize I matter. 

There are parts of life I will never like. The worst is losing someone I love. Unfortunately, death is non-negotiable. I’m not too keen on injury or physical pain either. Still while I’m alive, I can listen to what my loved ones say, embrace them, and know I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. Insanity touched me. I wouldn’t have chosen it. But my opportunity to recover and pursue my life when I have food, shelter, and work I love is priceless. 

Going crazy wasn’t the worst thing. Giving up would have been. Celebrating life is the gift. We’ve all got our part. I’m not going to lose my shot. 

To Life. 

Joceile 

4.3.21

[Picture: Barbarian artist drawing of downhill racer.]