Ronnie and I don’t have a smart house nor do we want one. It turns out that little DeeBot is more than we can manage. And, she isn’t even connected to the internet or our phones. Just a little motorized vacuum that has a mind of its own.
I got DeeBot for my birthday a year ago. I wanted to have a cleaner house without vacuuming every other day. We have a large long haired dog and small long haired cat. Both of them go freely inside and out bringing in all sorts of dirtish crap. I set DeeBot on the floor, press go, and she’s off cleaning and dusting the floor with her vacuum, roller, and little arms awhirling.
It works for me to have her clean while I do other things. She does not go down the stairs except for that one time I confused her. Bump, flip, bump, flip, bump, quiet. I rescued her and determined she did not have a concussion or traumatic brain injury. There are a couple places in the house where she stops because she’s confused. I have to pick up or tuck under rugs with fringes because she can’t tell those fringes are off limits.
The cat, Scarlett, hates vacuums but thinks nothing of DeeBot. The dog, Sheba, doesn’t mind vacuums but is pretty unnerved by DeeBot running around loose possibly in search of Sheba’s tail. I block off the bedroom so Sheba can escape. DeeBot doesn’t do well in the bedroom anyway because we have stuff under the bed that acts like a DeeBot trap.
I run DeeBot when I’m home. She has a clock and the option to set a schedule but I prefer to be in charge. I’ve also heard entertaining stories about sibling DeeBots coming up on cat barf or dog accidents and happily spreading them around the house.
With a remote, she acts like a little remote car. If we’d had a DeeBot when I was a kid, I’d have been in hog heaven. Remotes were a big thing then. Now, we take these remote things for granted.
Watching DeeBot is looking into a computerized mind. On her basic setting, DeeBot appears to aimlessly cross the floor Willy-nilly in the hopes that if she crosses it enough the whole floor will get clean. I took a picture of her doing the carpet. Her process looks like this:
Basic computers do actions without reference to conserving energy or brain power. Their actions are by “brute force.” This means that a computer looks for a word by going through the entire dictionary until it finds the word. Because this looking through the entire dictionary is so fast, humans don’t have to notice what looks to us like the long way around. DeeBot uses the same method to clean the house. Going over and over it at odd angles with the idea that eventually it will all get clean. Humans have a different approach and the computer way can be confounding to us even though it still works.
DeeBot does have a couple settings for going around the edge of the room, turning circles over the same spot, or going back and forth in more or less of a straight line. She is not connected to the internet so she doesn’t get smarter and smarter about how my house is designed. I’m more than okay with that. I have no idea what kind of trouble might find her if she links up with those mobster internet computers.
Ronnie and I both appreciate the house being cleaner. Ronnie was uncertain about getting DeeBot. I used the old get-it-for-my-birthday trick. Ronnie now appreciates DeeBot. Though, it’s hard for her not to talk to her. “Hi, DeeBot.” “Excuse me, DeeBot.”
I do have to spend five minutes emptying her collection box and cleaning her rollers of accumulated animal hair. But overall, it is much easier for me than the 20 minutes spent vacuuming. I can eat or read a book while she does the vacuuming.
A few months ago, DeeBot got it into her head that she should start cleaning every night at 11. I said, “No, DeeBot.” But, she didn’t listen. I broke out the instruction manual which is exceptionally poorly written to determine what was causing her to think this. It appeared she needed a reboot. I turned her off. I pulled out her battery for half an hour. I inspected her remote for unwanted settings and pulled its battery. She still woke up at 11 at night and started cleaning.
I emailed the DeeBot company. A formulated computerized response confirmed the rebooting procedures. I went through all the above again. When she still woke herself up, I emailed them again. We went through all the procedures again from the DeeBot land canned responses. “No worries. Let me assist you further... If you wish to proceed, kindly provide us with the requested info below to proceed. Let us know if you have any concern.”
Finally, I told them that it wasn’t working. I had to shut off DeeBot when she recharged so she wouldn’t start cleaning. With all this rebooting, she now just sung out at a new time with a “Beep! You all remember I’m here, right? And that I can’t clean because you shut me off?” This leads me to wonder exactly what shutting off means if she can still call out.
The DeeBot company told me I can send her in for repair but that they couldn’t send me a new DeeBot while they did the repair. “Does this mean I would have to go without my DeeBot while you replace it? If that’s the case, please never mind. I can live with this bit of weirdness. Please confirm.” For all I know, the new DeeBot might have a worse problem.
Now during dinner every night at 7, DeeBot says, “Beep. Remember me?”
Ronnie, being a courteous human, says every night, “Hi, DeeBot.” We humans see things in personal terms. I’m pretty sure that is how computers are going to get us.
Currently, I have injured both my shoulders and am awaiting surgery. With the inability to reach or push, I am unable to vacuum at all. The good thing is that DeeBot doesn’t need my shoulders to clean the house. I turn her on and set her loose. If not for DeeBot, it wouldn’t be pretty at my house. Dirt and animal hair would rule and we’d just have to throw down grass seed to deal.
“Thanks, DeeBot, but don’t get any autonomous ideas. I still know where your on off switch is. You can’t live on battery power forever, little missy. I’m still in charge!”
L’Chaim.
Joceile
1.4.20
[Picture of tan carpeted floor with crisscrossing lines on it.]
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