Not on My Watch

I see the guy standing at the curb holding a sign. I am mostly interested in if he is hungry. The sign may or may not say. I pull up with my window down waving a bottle of Ensure. Quickly, I ask the guy, “You hungry?”

“Ya.”  I hand him the Ensure.  “Thank you.  Bless you.”  I watch him open it, take some, and close the lid for later.  The traffic light changes, and I move on.

I keep several bottles of Ensure in my car.  It started for me when I needed something for emergency hunger.  Now, with the increasing homeless population in my city, I make sure I have it for street folks as well.

I do have some criteria.  Their sign has to say, “Anything helps” or “Hungry.”  If they are just asking for money, I move on.  Only once has someone said no.  It was a woman who looked fairly well cared for.  She said, “What flavor?”  I knew then she wasn’t hungry.

“Chocolate.”

“No, thanks.  I don’t really like chocolate.”  Okay, I thought, that’s information.

One time, the guy took the bottle and downed it like a person dying of thirst.  The light was still red.  I watched him closely.  “Do you want another one?”

“Why not?”  He downed that one quickly too.

Sometimes, things happen that I won’t forget.  Late one very dark, rainy night I came upon a young man who was just wrenched with a sign that said, “Need money for medication.”  He looked terrible and in a lot of distress soaking wet.  I’ll never know if he needed legal or illegal medication.  It was obvious to me that food wasn’t going to do it for him.  I put myself in his place.  I ran through my mind what it would be like if I couldn’t get my meds.  I had to do something.  I gave him a couple bucks.  I’m sure it was beyond insufficient.  It just made me feel better.

It’s not just the folks I hand out food to that make an impression on me.  It is also how the people in the cars behind me react.  There was a guy with a walker.  I watched him from back in the line waiting for the red light to change.  I was ready with the bottle and my window open.  I knew it might take him a minute to maneuver over the sidewalk to get to the car.  I was waiting with my hand holding the Ensure out the passenger window as far as I could.  The woman in the car behind me honked her horn.  Really!?!  It took all of 20 seconds, and she couldn’t even give us the time to do a basic act of kindness.  I was pissed.  I’m not one to make rude gestures, though, so I ignored her.  What on earth could be so damn important that she couldn’t wait for me to just hand a person some food?

I am horrified by a lot of things in this country.  We have the ability to do great things.  But, many people are selfish, greedy, and believe folks in trouble brought it on themselves.  I hate seeing people with means or privileged options unable to imagine being in someone else’s shoes.  Others espousing high morals and spirituality are unwilling to treat others as they would wish to be treated.  Not even willing to imagine we are ALL the others.

I feel ashamed to be part of a society that believes people do not deserve to have food, shelter, medical care, employment, or education as a human right.  Those that insist they worked hard to get what they have and as such it is their birthright without acknowledging that someone or something gave them a hand up whether it is from their background, skin color, gender, national origin, or some other status.

I can’t not think of what it would feel like to be in the position of being homeless for whatever reason.  I read about folks’ tales of being homeless who start out just like me.  It is clear to me they are us.  The only difference between them and me is chance and a bit of luck.  I don’t forget that.

I know I can only change my own sphere of influence in this world.  However, when it comes to seeing people hungry, I say to myself, “Not on my watch.” Silently adding, “Damn It!”

L’Chaim.

Joceile

5.31.18