Antidote

There is no antidote to chronic pain and the slow, relentless disruption it brings. I’ve been exposed to many management techniques. I use several. Whether physical, emotional, or spiritual pain, I have a couple favorites that require nothing outside myself. 

The first is committing acts of love. Not the big showy kind but small acts such as giving a one liner to a stranger to make us both laugh, briefly serenading a coworker with whatever skill I have, giving a struggling person something to eat, or saving a bug. Any act of kindness coming from my heart adds love to the world, eases my pain, and jumpstarts my soul. Humility is key. The world needs humble. 

The second is when I’m alone in pain searching for something to give me comfort. I look closely at something usually in the natural world but it’s not required. I focus on one thing like a branch, a flower, a weed, a ceiling, a door. Anything will do to disentangle my pain experience from my focus. 

I observe as many details as possible as if I was going to be interrogated later. No detail is too small. I’m the Sherlock Holmes of patient observation of one small thing. It gives my mind a break from the pain and makes me notice there’s more to the world than my internal agony. 

Yes, there are reams of research and libraries of books on pain management. Whatever works that doesn’t harm others is fine. These two give me comfort and joy. In a world where these are lacking, I’ll take them where I can. 

L’Chaim. 

Joceile 

6.22.24

HR Decision Spin Wheel

Props to State Government Innovation!

The Society for Human Resource Management has issued a new HR Decision Wheel for use in state government. In conjunction with the Office of Financial Management, the Governor’s Office has approved the proclamation below. My agency is participating. OFM awarded one of the HR Decision Wheels through this innovative pilot project to my agency because of our values and commitment to excellence. The pilot project will last until the end of 2024. All HR staff will be asked to complete an evaluation at that time for OFM to collect and determine the success of the project and how it improves HR decisions. If the pilot project is a success, state HR and OFM will begin rolling out HR Decision Wheels to all agency’s HR divisions once again demonstrating OFM’s leading edge commitment to provide outstanding support to state agency HR staff. Next time you are stuck for an answer, give the wheel a spin! If you have questions about this project, please contact your manager for more information. 

Proclamation text:

SHRM/OFM Approved

State HR Decision Spin Wheel

Washington State Office of Financial Management Proclamation: 

- whereas, it is identified that decisions in Human Resources are highly conflictual and contentious; and 

- whereas, all Human Resource professionals thrive with professional consultation; and 

- whereas, such professional consultation is now mandated by the Office of the Attorney General; and 

- whereas, all professional consultation must be fiscally responsible; 

- now therefore, the state of Washington Office of Fiscal Management does hereby endorse usage of the Human Resource Decision Wheel created by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM)

S/Director, Office of Fiscal Management 01/04/2024

Self-Appointed Morale Officer Program

I’m very pleased to announce that after years of tireless lobbying, OFM and State HR has finally approved the new Self-Appointed Morale Officer Program (SAMO) throughout state government. Each agency is required to identify two employees to fill this new and exciting role. As a Self-Appointed Morale Officer, you are empowered to tell coworkers, managers, and executives the truth such as, “As the Self-Appointed Morale Officer, I am urging you to schedule a vacation ASAP. You need a break. [And we need one from you.]” The program gives designated individuals carte blanche to give helpful, humorous, life sustaining suggestions to support employees at any level by telling the truth with kindness. If you believe you have the moxie to fill this new roll, reach out to your manager. All applications will be reviewed by previous Self-Appointed Morale Officers for quality control. This could be you!

NEW CARBON ZERO ACT

The legislature has approved the new Carbon Zero Act (CZA) in this session and Governor Inslee signed the bill into law on 3/29/24. The program provides a monthly stipend to participating employees earning $10 per paycheck for those in the office over 50% of the week with $5 per paycheck for those in the office 20-50%. To realize the carbon foot print savings, employees select a desk set powered by either the tread mill, elliptical, or recumbent bicycle options to power a desktop power station including all laptops and monitors. Microsoft and Amazon have teamed to provide equipment to public employees. An FAQ will be provided by Facilities and Payroll in the next few months. The Governor applauded the legislature for passing this law to help curb climate change and urged employees to participate.

On the Eve of 4/1

T’was the last day of March

And all through the house,

Trouble was scurrying 

As quiet as a mouse.

The pictures were altered.

The signage was made.

The emails were drafted.

The public afraid.

She smiled and she cackled.

It was really a sight.

Those poor souls would notice

She’d been there that night!

~ Anonymous

Legacy

I’ve been pondering how we navigate our present by the stories we tell ourselves of our past. I attended a beloved teacher’s memorial last week. People spoke powerfully about the lasting influence his 50 years of teaching had on so many students and coworkers. It’s caused me to reflect on how our stories are our personal myths. Our legacies are of the myths others tell about us. 

A health worker friend recently told me of a teacher who’d told her, “Keep doing your good work but take the stories you tell yourself lightly because much of what you’ve been taught maybe wrong.” I was struck by the phrase, “take the stories you tell yourself lightly,” and not just about myself but the stories I tell myself about others. 

One story I tell myself concerns my score on the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) rating. ACEs is a tool that measures how the long term consequences of childhood trauma influence overall health and longevity. One of the simple things I’ve been able to recall over the years is people with a rating similar to mine may face a 20 year decrease in their life expectancy compared to those with an ACEs score of zero. It contributes to chronic health conditions such as alcoholism, addiction, depression, heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, as well as, inability to maintain stability in work and finances which can contribute to premature death. This is serious shit.

It’s not a leap to think of this as an entrance to imprisonment, commitment to mental institutions and rehabilitation facilities, or homelessness in tandem with the long term affects of our society’s insistence on perpetuating poverty, racism, sexism, and the other isms. While society dithers about addressing the negative impacts on children’s life experiences which are too numerous to list, these problems take a toll on all of us in one way or another and keep the wheels of generational trauma rolling, passing it down again, and again, and again. 

In order to not live that future, I have to be very intentional. I must acknowledge the impact of my history on how I live my life and the choices I make. More and more, I’m aware of the domino effect of multiple health conditions that put me at further risk such as an untreated youthful shoulder injury which leads to failed surgeries 40 years later, which causes me to be unable to use a cane when I need it, which puts me at risk for a serious fall that can lead to more health complications. Each untreated or poorly treated condition contributes to other conditions which increases my risk of further injury. Even with my best intentions, I am susceptible to this cycle. Aging for anyone increases these kinds of comorbidities.

Despite my ACEs score, I am one of the lucky ones. Although I’ve suffered from several chronic physical and mental health conditions directly related to my ACEs score, I’ve been able to have meaningful relationships, an impactful career, a daughter who contributes to society, and experienced no more than short term care in mental hospitals as an adult. My family members’ high ACEs scores continue to reek havoc in their lives. If I hadn’t been able to engage in weekly mental health therapy for my entire adult life and have a supportive, committed partner, I wouldn’t be able to reflect on and be writing this today. It’s not like it’s been a walk in the park. These challenges are tough whether we face them or not.

I have great sadness about the harm raging all around us in my community, my country, and our world. Trauma influences us at all levels and in all positions unless we demonstrate an ongoing commitment to understanding the origins of our rage. Rage is a potent contributor to our violence. Even with our awareness, our ability to consistently make different choices is compromised.

As I sit here writing this, I’ve spied a Great Blue Heron quietly standing in the shallow reeds not 100 yards from me on the lake edge. I’m afraid to move for fear of startling it. Perhaps if I very slowly grab the binoculars within arms reach, I can get a better look. In any case as I despair for humankind, I can rejoice for the magic of earth-kind. 

Success!  Beautiful and obscured by reeds, I wouldn’t have seen it had I not been sitting, facing the bounty of the lake. Five feet from the heron is a discarded plastic bottle symbolic of the world’s contradictions. The two coexist as the heron patiently hunts food. It takes two slow steps in the shallow water with its very long thin legs. I marvel at the beauty of nature while temporarily disregarding the spoils of humanity. Without spooking the heron, I watch. Soon I will begin my day with a semblance of peace and leave the heron to its business knowing that we both have our roles to play. I haven’t succumbed to my trauma nor the heron to the plastic bottle. That is a triumph of both our resilience in facing what life presents. We don’t create the conflicts but we do choose our responses. It’s a legacy I can get behind.

L’Chaim. 

Joceile

2/17/24

[Picture: Great Blue Heron on the dock with reeds in the foreground on a different day.]

The Pool Bunch

I joined the YMCA today. It’s a first. It’s free because of my retiree medical coverage. My body has been telling me I need movement but not just any kind of movement. With arthritic joints screaming at me daily and nightly, my body was clear that movement in water was the only way to go.

I had very carefully deciphered the Y’s webpage for senior activities. It’s somewhat inscrutable.  However, there is a drop in class three afternoons a week called “Joints in Motion.”

Those who know me might be surprised to learn I am totally intimidated by gyms. Exclusive clubs make me paranoid. Historically, I’ve also been uncomfortable in pools having been too cold in them. The cold bothers me less in my older years. 

I gathered myself up. Ronnie accompanied me to the front desk as she was already a member. The receptionist signed me up while I watched the seniors enter for their pool gig. I, too, came equipped with shorts and T-shirt ready to rumble.

I am not one who hates being a senior. I don’t get that “I can’t possibly be one of them” feeling. I’m not thrilled with what my body is doing but I don’t mind being older. Seeing the smiling, slow moving seniors greet each other in various states of mobility felt like seeing old friends. These are my people. Everyone was friendly and apparently glad to see each other.

I found our slow, cautious, careful movements both endearing and hysterical. We’re a creeping, slightly bobbing and weaving, grinding parade. It is clear we will get there with or without our walkers. It is less obvious how long it will take us. We have been moving determinedly through life for a lot of years. A few set backs on the way to the pool will not deter us. I take comfort in that. We look decrepit but we are a force of nature. Just try dissuading your grandmother from a path she’s determined to follow and you know what I’m saying. 

The usual warmer pool was having a chlorine event so we were in the cooler, deeper pool. This delayed the launch at the entry steps as aging bodies prepared for cooler water. I was stunned when a woman who looked vaguely familiar asked if I was Joceile. I wondered if there was a warning sign about me somewhere. Many people look vaguely familiar to me now. I have more trouble differentiating faces. But no, it was a retiree from a state agency I worked at. Naturally, there’s no escaping the locals. 

We all got our noodles to accompany us in our exercises. I exchanged names with a few women. Lots of my standard introduction, “It’s Joceile…It’s Joe-Seal as in Joe and Lucille put together.”

“What nationality is that?” I thought the Joe and Lucille might have been a hint.

“It sounds French but it’s my grandparents, Joe and Lucille put together.” 

Sounds in gyms are terrible with or without my hearing aids. “Did you say your name was Carly or Carla?”

“Carla.”

“Car-LA?”

“Yes, Car-la.” Note to self, remember Carla with “LA” as in California, a nemonic trick.  

Women strangers with similar hairstyles look the same to me as do balding men with grey beards. It doesn’t help that I’m not wearing my glasses in the pool. I have to get to know people so I can recognize them from more data points. There was one other person I knew, a lesbian from my specific Olympia demographic. We are everywhere. It was nice to see her.

During our class, a woman walking around outside the pool slipped and fell. She stayed down. All eyes swiveled to her laying there with the unfailing interest of cars passing a traffic accident. A life guard picked his way slowly over to help her up. None of us made a move to assist. After all, any one of us would have arrived ten minutes after she was up, recovered, and in the locker room. I was more interested in my classmates attention than watching the play by play. She appeared unharmed. I saw more than one person slip and catch themselves. “Walk very carefully,” I told myself. My mantra is, “No falling!”

Once spread out and settled, we proceeded to get instructions from our fearless leader, Teresa, which we promptly talked through, modified, or ignored altogether. It’s wonderful to be able to pay attention or not as the mood and competing interests strike. There are no penalties for not following directions or proper comportment. We were exempt from expectations. Just making it safely to the pool was a huge success. The fun lasted 45 minutes. A friend of mine remarked we sounded like a bunch of kindergarteners. That’s exactly what we are and like the younger set we are having a grand time unless one of us falls down and goes boom. 

By the end, I was a bit cold. We all slowly climbed the stairs to make our creaky tortured way to the locker room. I basked in the hot shower 20 seconds at a time. It has an auto shut off feature. I got quickly attuned to reaching to turn it back on just before the 20 second mark enabling me to enjoy a semi-steady stream for several minutes.

We move slow. We dress slow. We leave slow. All of it was punctuated by smiles of encouragement to the tune of short narrations of our last injuries or surgeries. We are a lucky bunch. We’re still kicking, metaphorically speaking. Unless we’re in a pool, then we’re wholly inattentive, wriggling five year olds. I can’t wait to come back Wednesday!

Yours in Aging. 

~ Joceile

12/12/23

[Random picture of older women in pool with noodles.]